A Thousand Tears - Happy Birthday, Mom! I miss you so much!

Well, today is kind of a sad day for me. September 29th was my mom's birthday.  Her memory will always live on in my heart. The day she left this world was without a doubt the hardest day of my life. To say I cried a thousand tears does not even come close to the truth.  But today I choose to remember her life. How can I put into words what she meant to me? I remember her white blond hair that was always so perfectly coiffed, her sparkling green eyes that danced when she laughed and her slender frame. I sit here remembering all the meals she prepared, the dresses she sewed, the cookies she baked for the neighborhood gang, and the care she showed to Sparky our cocker spaniel, and Binky our black and white alley cat that showed up on our door one warm summer evening looking for a meal. I remember the countless hours she'd spend talking to me about my boyfriends or just listening to me when I needed to be heard. My mom had always been my greatest fan and my biggest cheerleader. I knew she loved me, but I never realized the depth of that love until I was diagnosed with breast cancer. The wisdom she passed on to me and my girls is invaluable. Besides being the sweetest person on the face of the earth, she was a strong Christian who lived her faith. When I was first diagnosed with cancer she was my rock. She was the one who talked to every pastor who'd listen, bought every book she could get her hands on about surviving cancer through prayer and diet. She was the one who bought a juicer and juiced day and night to make sure my body could have a fighting chance and she was the one who told me that she wouldn't let me die. And I believed her. Looking back now 26 years later as a parent of grown daughters myself,  I realize how terribly frightened she had to have been at the prospect of losing her only child, but she never let me see the fear in her eyes...not once. When I'd slide down into that proverbial pit--she'd reach down to help me pull myself back up. She'd always say, "This too shall pass."  I believed her and it did.

The last material gift she gave me was a beautiful picture of pink roses with the words from the Serenity Prayer  inscribed on it.  "God grant me the Serenity to accept the things I cannot change...Courage to change the things I can and Wisdom to know the difference".  I hung that picture on a wall in my bedroom. There's not a day that goes by that I don't  recite those words and think of my mother ...her faith...her strength and the unconditional  love and encouragement she gave me.

 Life is all about choices.  When you first opened your eyes this morning, did you give thanks for another day, for the gift of sight and hearing, for the laughter that resonates from down the hall or for the smell of hot coffee brewing in the kitchen just waiting for you to enjoy?  Okay, so right there in that 30 second time span you could have already conjured up anywhere from five to ten things to be thankful for. Never mind that the laughter quickly turned into shouting or you forgot to pick up the creamer for your coffee, or that you didn't get nearly the amount of sleep required to keep you from turning into a cranky grouch. Never mind that you kept waking up because your back hurt or you had some other ache or pain. Or maybe you woke up to an empty house and maybe you've been that way--single--for a month or ten years. Did you give thanks for the peace that can come with that and the relaxation?  You can always find the good in any situation if you just look hard enough.  Or, you can choose to focus on the bad, the negative. If you allow yourself to stay in that dark place long enough, before you know it you will be traveling down that lonely corridor of your mind where your final destination is 'Self-pity-ville'.  Come on now, you know that place...that place we've all visited from time to time...where everything looks dark even on a sunny day.  That place where it's easy to get lost until we can't find our way out...that place where we can easily get stuck...a place where we have all the time in the world to count all the hundreds of reasons we have to cry those thousands of tears.

The Bible talks about that place in many different ways.  But my favorite verse tells us how to not live in that dark negative place.  It is Philipians 4:8 Finally, brethren, whatsoever things are true, whatsoever things are honest, whatsoever things are just, whatsoever things are pure, whatsoever things are lovely, whatsoever things are of good report; if there be any virtue, and if there be any praise, think on these things.

So my friends, start counting the blessings one by one in your life.  Sometimes the road seems a little too rough to go down, but keep both hands on the wheel and keep looking ahead. Stay focused on all  the positives in your life. Show the world all the thousand reasons you have to smile and remember 'this too shall pass'. 

Thank you mom, and Happy Birthday!



Photo Credit: amomenttothink.tumblr.com